Hi. Alot of you guys probably know me as LobsterRoast; The immature shitbag that cant control himself. I'm gonna be real with you guys, I think of myself that way too. But for even a couple minutes I wanna be able to put that immaturity aside and discuss some things.
There's a reason I'm venting this stuff here, by the way. Its not just because its the first place I thought of or it was conveniently bookmarked on my browser or anything. I genuinely love and trust alot of members in this community and I'm aware that the best people to vent to are ones you genuinely trust.
I don't think its that big of a secret, but I feel like shit right now. My self esteem, anxiety, and loneliness are so bad and I'm honestly about to reach my boiling point; Like I actually don't know what I'm gonna do if this keeps going. This server has been like an amazing oasis in the driest desert you could possibly imagine; Or in this case one amazing thing in a world filled with crappy things right now, because honestly while yes, current circumstances aren't great, the past month or so has just been a real low point for me. The politics that I won't get into, the virus spiking up again; I say "I cry myself to sleep" alot but that's not a joke most of the time. I'll sometimes just go to bed and start crying because lying in bed is the point where you have nothing to do but try not to think; or in this case, fail trying.
I really wish I could get help, but I've always been afraid that I'm- A psychopath? sociopath? narcissist? something along those lines. Words barely phase me. That might sound hypocritical from somebody who's just written an entire essay about his life's problems but its true. You can say "You're amazing! Don't give up!" as much as you want and it wont phase me at all. That's not a knock towards people who actually try to help me btw, I genuinely appreciate you guys trying. It's not a problem with you; Its a problem with me. Another reason is that somehow the one thing that SHOULD phase me but just doesn't is death. This is honestly probably one of my biggest problems that I didn't realize until recently but its true. Even going to a grandparents funeral or heck just seeing a dead body on the streets or something; that wouldn't be enough to change my unchanging straight face, infact, there aren't many things that can do that. You have to be funny as shit to get me laughing so the most you might get out of me is a grin for a second or 2. Again, nothing towards any of you who try to joke with me; I appreciate you guys trying to improve things.
These past few weeks everything I listed above just hit me like a truck; nay, an airplane. Maybe it was the virus and me not having anything to do. I wasn't affected by this virus in the beginning. I was accustomed to already staying inside on a screen for almost 13 hours a day, as bad as that sounds; but this virus has almost been like a renaissance in my head; a burning urge to travel and see the world because right now our worlds are smaller than ever and when they finally start getting bigger, who's to say when another virus strikes?
I wanna finish this off by by thanking some people. All the people on this server who helped me, Slime, Riley, Marty, Shadow, Shecky, Gabi, Triple, Amber, Maddie, Fraser, Fib, Flaming even Layzur, Reaper, and Lanny to some extent; Thank you all so much. You are honestly the best people ever. That list of people wasn't in any particular order by the way; and if you weren't on it, I'm sure you're an amazing person as well because you're somehow still here and reading this. I can't thank you guys enough; this is probably the darkest time of my life and I appreciate you guys trying so hard to help.
I will continue to play BC. I'll continue my jobs as a Staff Member, Member of Parliament, Hospital Secretary, Community Coordinator, and as a pharmacist. I am, however, leaving Fibcorp and BCGCL Behind, leaving the latter to _Zzz_King_. I don't plan to stop doing this anytime soon; and I don't plan to stop making friends here anytime soon. If any opportunity comes up, I'll take it as I always have. So, without further adieu, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you all.
-Lobster
There's a reason I'm venting this stuff here, by the way. Its not just because its the first place I thought of or it was conveniently bookmarked on my browser or anything. I genuinely love and trust alot of members in this community and I'm aware that the best people to vent to are ones you genuinely trust.
I don't think its that big of a secret, but I feel like shit right now. My self esteem, anxiety, and loneliness are so bad and I'm honestly about to reach my boiling point; Like I actually don't know what I'm gonna do if this keeps going. This server has been like an amazing oasis in the driest desert you could possibly imagine; Or in this case one amazing thing in a world filled with crappy things right now, because honestly while yes, current circumstances aren't great, the past month or so has just been a real low point for me. The politics that I won't get into, the virus spiking up again; I say "I cry myself to sleep" alot but that's not a joke most of the time. I'll sometimes just go to bed and start crying because lying in bed is the point where you have nothing to do but try not to think; or in this case, fail trying.
I really wish I could get help, but I've always been afraid that I'm- A psychopath? sociopath? narcissist? something along those lines. Words barely phase me. That might sound hypocritical from somebody who's just written an entire essay about his life's problems but its true. You can say "You're amazing! Don't give up!" as much as you want and it wont phase me at all. That's not a knock towards people who actually try to help me btw, I genuinely appreciate you guys trying. It's not a problem with you; Its a problem with me. Another reason is that somehow the one thing that SHOULD phase me but just doesn't is death. This is honestly probably one of my biggest problems that I didn't realize until recently but its true. Even going to a grandparents funeral or heck just seeing a dead body on the streets or something; that wouldn't be enough to change my unchanging straight face, infact, there aren't many things that can do that. You have to be funny as shit to get me laughing so the most you might get out of me is a grin for a second or 2. Again, nothing towards any of you who try to joke with me; I appreciate you guys trying to improve things.
These past few weeks everything I listed above just hit me like a truck; nay, an airplane. Maybe it was the virus and me not having anything to do. I wasn't affected by this virus in the beginning. I was accustomed to already staying inside on a screen for almost 13 hours a day, as bad as that sounds; but this virus has almost been like a renaissance in my head; a burning urge to travel and see the world because right now our worlds are smaller than ever and when they finally start getting bigger, who's to say when another virus strikes?
I wanna finish this off by by thanking some people. All the people on this server who helped me, Slime, Riley, Marty, Shadow, Shecky, Gabi, Triple, Amber, Maddie, Fraser, Fib, Flaming even Layzur, Reaper, and Lanny to some extent; Thank you all so much. You are honestly the best people ever. That list of people wasn't in any particular order by the way; and if you weren't on it, I'm sure you're an amazing person as well because you're somehow still here and reading this. I can't thank you guys enough; this is probably the darkest time of my life and I appreciate you guys trying so hard to help.
I will continue to play BC. I'll continue my jobs as a Staff Member, Member of Parliament, Hospital Secretary, Community Coordinator, and as a pharmacist. I am, however, leaving Fibcorp and BCGCL Behind, leaving the latter to _Zzz_King_. I don't plan to stop doing this anytime soon; and I don't plan to stop making friends here anytime soon. If any opportunity comes up, I'll take it as I always have. So, without further adieu, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you all.
-Lobster
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